I mentioned in my post this past Saturday that one of the crucial ways I set myself up for being a successful person is a ‘no-negative-crap’ mindset. It’s one that took me quite a while to really conquer, but two of my closest (very no-nonsense) friends were the ones that instilled it in me one afternoon after they both agreed that I had been wallowing around in self-pity for too long. I remember thinking during that conversation: Why do I hold on to complete nonsense for no reason whatsoever? Why do I insist on dwelling on things that only make me sad? When they told me that it seemed as if I liked torturing myself with these negative thoughts, I had this epiphany.
It was true. Although I don’t really, it still came off as if I did. This was a time that, I suppose, my unresolved emotions caught up to me, and I was probably as miserable as I had been in a long time. It wasn’t a ‘How could I fall for my own self-pacifying tricks again?’ but was, ‘I feel like God has really let me down’ and that quickly turned into, ‘I feel like God has abandoned me completely.’ Never in my whole life have I ever felt abandoned by God; that was a time when I used to pray every night without fail, constantly thanking Him for all of the amazing things in my life. During this time though, I felt like I was being crushed with bad news after bad news, and there was no hope of coming back to a fully positive existence. Of course, I did the only thing I could do, and I turned to two people who I knew could help me try to sort it out at the time – Marta and Alexandria. My main argument was that I saw my life completely unfolding one way and now, it’s all been taken away from me. Everything. All of it. I felt that not one single thing in my life was okay at that moment.
The burning question “WHY?” received the answer (quoted exactly from my text messages with Alexandria from way back when): “Right now, it seriously looks like the end and worst, but maybe… just maybe it was just what we needed to get us to that other, better place. You kind of just have to stop resisting… I have…accept what it is now, deal with it, take a few deep breaths, and move [on]. Things will happen and change if the world wants it to, but we can’t force or resist.”
From Marta, I got a: “Maybe because you’re often delusional idk” (which only someone I love that much could say without me freaking out over), followed by, “If you’re willing to wait for years [for the amazing things you want], then why would you suddenly snap and say ‘no, the Universe hates me, God has betrayed me, I’ve been through so much in my long, long life just to be spited by this?” I’m quoting these lovely ladies word for word because their words are what brought me to a realization that I was being…well, not stupid, but ‘misguided by my own thoughts,’ so to speak.
It was during this time in my life when I also came to the beautiful realization that things had needed to change immediately. After feeling the anxiety of worry and negativity lift from my chest, I decided that I would do everything in my power to hold on to that feeling for the rest of my life. Of course, it’s pretty much impossible to go through your entire existence never once feeling some sort of negative thought(s), but the point is to learn how to not live in that mentality. I always keep their words of wisdom in the back of my mind, and guide myself back into the “no-crap” attitude everyone should strive to maintain.
Maintaining a positive attitude isn’t about reading endless books on the subject, but about putting it into practice. I’ll admit that I’ve done my fair share of reading book after book on the topic, and they’ve definitely help me put things into perspective (especially Jen Sincero’s You are a Badass, which I’ve linked below), but we can’t just read through book after book expecting them to magically change us if we’re not doing anything to change ourselves. This especially includes our thought processes and our actions.
Since about mid-February of 2015, I have been practicing visualization as my method of focusing positivity in my own life and consequently acting it out into the world. Basically, you put yourself in a frame of mind where you 100% believe that what you want is already yours for the taking: this can be smething matieral like the new car you’ve wanted for so long, or simply the mindset of happiness. The key is to thank the Universe (God, or any other higher being you worship) for all the great things coming your way, in advance of receiving them – feel grateful and feel the overwhelming happiness of receiving them (whatever it may be that you want, including a positive mentality). Start with doing this 4 minutes a day and then gradually work up to about 10 minutes or so, and you will see that it makes a massive difference! Be careful not to do it for too long though, or you’re your mind starts to drift and then you’re not really focusing, which is the whole point of this exercise. Simply allowing yourself to know that what you want is a possibility is enough to change your mindset, to stop reeling against yourself for 4 to 10 minutes a day and think, “Hey, not everything in the world sucks”. In fact, everything is pretty awesome. I’m totally allowed to have the things that make me happy and to have the people that make me happy in my life.
The aforementioned book by Jen Sincero, You are a Badass, really helped me hone in doing just this, unlike many of the other books that I have read in the past. Look it up. BUY IT. READ IT. I honestly keep telling people to read it, over two years after the initial time that I picked it up. My friends seem to be talking to me a lot about these issues lately, as we all come closer to graduating, or have already graduated and begun on starting our lives, everyone is scared; I gush about all these methods of staying positive, and then add in: “Oh, AND BUY THIS BOOK!” Seriously. If I were to highlight all the relevant parts in it, the entire book would be covered in neon yellow highlighter.
But back to the main point. Visualization has helped me realize that I really need to stop worrying about the “hows” of things, and just focus on the “whats”, because the “hows” and “whys” constitute a major part of my negative mindset and my unhappiness. It’s about what you want, not so much how you get there. You WILL get there. Don’t be resistant to the things happening around you and let life guide you to what you want, however that is meant to be. Life gives you the opportunities to work for what you want, but you have to be willing to realize that these opportunities are right there in front of you.
That being said, let me share something with you that has helped me immensely these past couple of years. On your computer, phone or even a piece of paper, write an affirmation for yourself. Whatever you desire, write it like it’s already yours. Write it in caps. Once you’ve established that it’s yours for the taking, you can precede it by writing a bunch of reasons as to why this is so viable. Remember, not how you will come by them, but rather why it makes sense for you have X, Y, and Z, and why you are so deserving of it! Then, every single day, read them to yourself at least once. Do this and before long, you’ll be thanking me. Read them until you believe it, until you know that it totally makes sense and you totally deserve it all… Because you do.
I start mine off with the photo included at the top of this post, and then move into my reasons as to why it makes sense for me to have what it is that I want (read: what it is that I will soon have), and then my affirmations (written as a RESOUNDING DECLARATION, complete with exclamation marks) at the bottom. After so many months of this practice, I legitimately feel so happy and confident in the very truth and availability of it all. All this from reading it once a day.
Let yourself change for the better. You’ve got this – you deserve to be the happiest that you can be.
How do you stay positive and full of self-love? Let me know in the comments!