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Emulating Emily

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Positive Thinking

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I mentioned in my post this past Saturday that one of the crucial ways I set myself up for being a successful person is a ‘no-negative-crap’ mindset. It’s one that took me quite a while to really conquer, but two of my closest (very no-nonsense) friends were the ones that instilled it in me one afternoon after they both agreed that I had been wallowing around in self-pity for too long. I remember thinking during that conversation: Why do I hold on to complete nonsense for no reason whatsoever? Why do I insist on dwelling on things that only make me sad? When they told me that it seemed as if I liked torturing myself with these negative thoughts, I had this epiphany.

 

It was true. Although I don’t really, it still came off as if I did. This was a time that, I suppose, my unresolved emotions caught up to me, and I was probably as miserable as I had been in a long time. It wasn’t a ‘How could I fall for my own self-pacifying tricks again?’ but was, ‘I feel like God has really let me down’ and that quickly turned into, ‘I feel like God has abandoned me completely.’ Never in my whole life have I ever felt abandoned by God; that was a time when I used to pray every night without fail, constantly thanking Him for all of the amazing things in my life. During this time though, I felt like I was being crushed with bad news after bad news, and there was no hope of coming back to a fully positive existence. Of course, I did the only thing I could do, and I turned to two people who I knew could help me try to sort it out at the time – Marta and Alexandria. My main argument was that I saw my life completely unfolding one way and now, it’s all been taken away from me. Everything. All of it. I felt that not one single thing in my life was okay at that moment.

The burning question “WHY?” received the answer (quoted exactly from my text messages with Alexandria from way back when): “Right now, it seriously looks like the end and worst, but maybe… just maybe it was just what we needed to get us to that other, better place. You kind of just have to stop resisting… I have…accept what it is now, deal with it, take a few deep breaths, and move [on]. Things will happen and change if the world wants it to, but we can’t force or resist.”

From Marta, I got a: “Maybe because you’re often delusional idk” (which only someone I love that much could say without me freaking out over), followed by, “If you’re willing to wait for years [for the amazing things you want], then why would you suddenly snap and say ‘no, the Universe hates me, God has betrayed me, I’ve been through so much in my long, long life just to be spited by this?” I’m quoting these lovely ladies word for word because their words are what brought me to a realization that I was being…well, not stupid, but ‘misguided by my own thoughts,’ so to speak.

It was during this time in my life when I also came to the beautiful realization that things had needed to change immediately. After feeling the anxiety of worry and negativity lift from my chest, I decided that I would do everything in my power to hold on to that feeling for the rest of my life. Of course, it’s pretty much impossible to go through your entire existence never once feeling some sort of negative thought(s), but the point is to learn how to not live in that mentality. I always keep their words of wisdom in the back of my mind, and guide myself back into the “no-crap” attitude everyone should strive to maintain.

Maintaining a positive attitude isn’t about reading endless books on the subject, but about putting it into practice. I’ll admit that I’ve done my fair share of reading book after book on the topic, and they’ve definitely help me put things into perspective (especially Jen Sincero’s You are a Badass, which I’ve linked below), but we can’t just read through book after book expecting them to magically change us if we’re not doing anything to change ourselves. This especially includes our thought processes and our actions.

 

Since about mid-February of 2015, I have been practicing visualization as my method of focusing positivity in my own life and consequently acting it out into the world. Basically, you put yourself in a frame of mind where you 100% believe that what you want is already yours for the taking: this can be smething matieral like the new car you’ve wanted for so long, or simply the mindset of happiness. The key is to thank the Universe (God, or any other higher being you worship) for all the great things coming your way, in advance of receiving them – feel grateful and feel the overwhelming happiness of receiving them (whatever it may be that you want, including a positive mentality). Start with doing this 4 minutes a day and then gradually work up to about 10 minutes or so, and you will see that it makes a massive difference! Be careful not to do it for too long though, or you’re your mind starts to drift and then you’re not really focusing, which is the whole point of this exercise. Simply allowing yourself to know that what you want is a possibility is enough to change your mindset, to stop reeling against yourself for 4 to 10 minutes a day and think, “Hey, not everything in the world sucks”. In fact, everything is pretty awesome. I’m totally allowed to have the things that make me happy and to have the people that make me happy in my life.

 

The aforementioned book by Jen Sincero, You are a Badass, really helped me hone in doing just this, unlike many of the other books that I have read in the past. Look it up. BUY IT. READ IT. I honestly keep telling people to read it, over two years after the initial time that I picked it up. My friends seem to be talking to me a lot about these issues lately, as we all come closer to graduating, or have already graduated and begun on starting our lives, everyone is scared; I gush about all these methods of staying positive, and then add in: “Oh, AND BUY THIS BOOK!” Seriously. If I were to highlight all the relevant parts in it, the entire book would be covered in neon yellow highlighter.

 

But back to the main point. Visualization has helped me realize that I really need to stop worrying about the “hows” of things, and just focus on the “whats”, because the “hows” and “whys” constitute a major part of my negative mindset and my unhappiness. It’s about what you want, not so much how you get there. You WILL get there. Don’t be resistant to the things happening around you and let life guide you to what you want, however that is meant to be. Life gives you the opportunities to work for what you want, but you have to be willing to realize that these opportunities are right there in front of you.

 

That being said, let me share something with you that has helped me immensely these past couple of years. On your computer, phone or even a piece of paper, write an affirmation for yourself. Whatever you desire, write it like it’s already yours. Write it in caps. Once you’ve established that it’s yours for the taking, you can precede it by writing a bunch of reasons as to why this is so viable. Remember, not how you will come by them, but rather why it makes sense for you have X, Y, and Z, and why you are so deserving of it! Then, every single day, read them to yourself at least once. Do this and before long, you’ll be thanking me. Read them until you believe it, until you know that it totally makes sense and you totally deserve it all… Because you do.

 

I start mine off with the photo included at the top of this post, and then move into my reasons as to why it makes sense for me to have what it is that I want (read: what it is that I will soon have), and then my affirmations (written as a RESOUNDING DECLARATION, complete with exclamation marks) at the bottom. After so many months of this practice, I legitimately feel so happy and confident in the very truth and availability of it all. All this from reading it once a day.

 

Let yourself change for the better. You’ve got this – you deserve to be the happiest that you can be.

 

How do you stay positive and full of self-love? Let me know in the comments!

 

X,

Emily

On Success

A photo encompassing my best accomplishments: travel (in Paris), writing (experiences and photos to contribute to my blog/vlog), and utter bliss.

I knew I wanted to write today’s post on how to be successful, but I wasn’t exactly sure how I would go about approaching the topic. The more that I thought about it, the more I started thinking of the different areas of my own life where I am successful, or where I have the potential to be. Really, each ‘thing’ needs its own steps (of sorts) to be acknowledged, in order for it to come to fruition. I decided to reflect on my own personal successes that I’ve triumphed over in the past few years, and give a rundown of how I came to be where I am at this given moment. I’m going to focus on three specifically, to keep this post short(ish) and sweet.

1. My “no-negative-crap” mindset. This one took a while to really get a grasp on and conquer, but I think it all fell into place while I was having drinks a couple of years ago with my best friend and my ex-work BFF (A.K.A. Marta and Kat — unfortunately, Kat and I no longer work in the same office anymore, but we still see each other all of the time). They made me lay out everything I was feeling out on the table, from what my daily thought processes were like, to what my reasons for believing certain things were. Because I’m so close with both of these girls, saying these things out loud made me feel really stupid. I found myself reluctant to continue speaking, to admit it all, because I knew that it was ridiculous what I was thinking. I found myself instantly wondering: Why do I hold on to complete nonsense for no reason whatsoever? Why do I insist on dwelling on things that only make me sad? When they told me that it seemed as if I liked torturing myself with these negative thoughts, I had this epiphany.

It was true. It’s almost as if I do… But I don’t! I knew that things had to change immediately, and we did some purging of silly mindsets and (obviously) I needed another drink to just relax and let them take over my brain (and my phone) for a bit. By the end of the day, when I was lying in bed ready to go to sleep, I had this grin plastered on my face and there was absolutely zero tightness in my chest. I hadn’t realized that these thoughts were consuming my mind so much and thus, that it was stressing me out to such a detrimental degree. In this case, the saying that “you don’t realize what you have until it’s gone” was definitely a good thing, and I can’t thank them enough. Although I still tend to sometimes slip into that same negative mindset once in a blue moon, I always keep their words of wisdom in the back of my mind, and guide myself back into the “no-crap” attitude everyone should strive to maintain.

2. Continuing to fit writing into my schedule. Writing is what keeps me going, so it’s a no-brainer that it’s something I need to fit into my life on a near-daily basis, if not every single day. Besides maintaining this blog, I’ve also taken to writing poetry again, as well as writing flash fiction posts on mine and Kat’s blog, Midnight Drafts. It’s really important for me to keep my creativity flowing, as a lack of creativity often leaves me beyond stressed out. It’s been kind of tough to transition back and forth between academic and creative writing while I’ve been in university, but it’s one that I’ve nonetheless had to manage. Midnight Drafts has really helped me to start thinking outside of the box again. Now, when there’s a lull at work, I’ll pull up a Word document or sign into my blog, and write between answering calls and emails. Et voilà! Fitting writing into my daily schedule – easy peasy.

Speaking of, when you write something really good, which takes a hell of a lot of time and dedication, I have discovered that it can lead to double-handed champagne parties (i.e., When my novel Amazing Grace was released by its first publisher in November of 2014).

 

3. Travel. Perhaps rather impulsively, I’ve been doing quite a bit of travelling in the past few years. I’m not talking about just jumping to the other side of the border to go shopping in Buffalo, NY (which as of November 2016, I’ve vowed not to do until the current president’s impeachment or end of the presidential term), but across the globe, or travel to the other side of the world’s second largest country, as I’m doing right now… HELLO FROM EDMONTON!! For me, travel has become such an integral part of my life, and the more I do it, the more I find myself desperately searching for opportunities to do so. As delusional as it sounds, I legitimately start getting upset thinking that I don’t have another trip coming up or planned whenever one comes to an end. As an example, shortly after I came home from Paris last October, I bought my ticket to Edmonton to visit my family there over Canada’s sesquicentennial; finally seeing the other side of my country in honour of its 150th birthday. Then I found out that two days after I return, I’m travelling all the way to the east coast to Nova Scotia with my family — again, another part of my country that I have never had the pleasure of seeing. I hadn’t even found my way over to the first of my Canadian trips in Edmonton before I decided to book myself a trip to Manchester, England to see my lovely friend Amy Poole. Not to mention I’ve been hounding my best friend to plan a trip to Eastern Europe with me next summer. The ability to see as much of the world as possible is so important to me, especially now while I don’t have the full responsibilities of “adult life” and am able to just pack up and leave for extended periods of time.

I am so grateful to have so many life experiences to think about, and memories to look back on. It gives me so many topics of conversation to carry with people, both because of the cultural knowledge that I have gained, as well as through the gaining of experiences (and thus, stories) to share. As far as travel goes, you can always learn something from each trip you take, whether it is your first time to a particular destination, or the tenth. My experiences with travel seems like quite a bit, but it’s just a small dent in what there is to see; nonetheless, it is something I will never stop expanding, and my ability to figure out how to do that is one of my great successes.

Though these examples are specific to my life, they’ve boosted me emotionally and in turn, physically and mentally. I know for a fact — through lived experience — that if you push for personal success in your life, as well as seek out the successes that you’ve already made (however small they may be as of right now), you’ll feel your self-confidence and overall belief in what you are capable of dramatically increase. This is especially so when you constantly remind yourself of the many things that you have already accomplished, as well as what you are capable of accomplishing in both the near and distant the future. Really, the cliché that you can’t gain anything without some risk is absolutely true. You have to sometimes step out of your comfort zone to be successful. Just remember that when you’re pushing yourself for success, to have fun and not take everything too seriously. 🙂

Share your successes in the comments below! ♥

 

X,

Emily

#150Apologies

 

**View official press release here**

**View CBC Morning Live feature (Twitter) here**

**SUBMIT YOUR APOLOGY HERE**

 

Hi everyone,

 

Today I’d like to talk about a project that I am very much invested in. As the social media director of registered charity Student Unity Project (SUP), I’m very excited to take part in the charity’s imitative in honour of Canada’s sesquicentennial: #150Apologies. As I’ve written about in the past, my volunteer work with them is something that means a great deal to me.

 

You can join us on our journey to being Upstanders not Bystanders! SUP will be collecting 150+ video and picture apologies from across the nation to showcase in our video montage, in collaboration with Live 8 Productions Inc. By submitting an apology, you have the opportunity to make a stand against bullying and become a role model to promote healing. We are going to let Canadians know our nation will not tolerate bullying and that we are global role models. Regardless of age, gender, sexual orientation, religion, race, or any other “differences”, we are looking to all Canadians to show the world how we stand up against bullying, bystanding, and exclusion.

 

You can apologize via video.  You can apologize by taking a picture of an apology letter.  You can apologize with a group of friends, classmates, or individually.

 

To submit your apology, you can do so via Twitter (tag @SUPdurham) or Instagram (we’ll search the hashtag!), and include the hashtag #150Apologies. You can also submit online using our submission form by clicking here. For video submissions we prefer web-ready video formats and recommend Dropbox for submitting large video files.

 

SUP has been identified by the Government of Canada and the Government of Ontario as an official Signature Project of Canada’s 150th anniversary of Confederation, and has even been featured live on CBC, as you can see in my interview above. With support from both governments and Canadians everywhere, we can bring an end to bullying!

 

I apologized, will you?

 

X,

Emily

 

Happy Father’s Day!

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HAPPY FATHER’S DAY TO THE BEST DAD EVER!

 

Happy #FathersDay to my favourite gelato buddy, @michaelfata! 💖

A post shared by Emily (@emulatingemily) on

 

Though lacking written content, this post is a visual representation of my love for my dad.

 

HAPPY FATHER'S DAY to the best dad there is! I LOVE YOU! 💖😘⭐️

A post shared by Emily Michelle (@emilyfata) on

 

I couldn’t have asked for a better dad, supporter, and comedian extraordinaire!

 

Below are some photos of me and my dad throughout the years (click to enlarge).

 

X,

Emily

 

 

You Know They’re Your Best Friend When…

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No word of a lie, this cute but grainy picture was taken on New Year’s Day 2014, the day Marta and her boyfriend officially started dating. I third wheeled them on a Toronto-wide scavenger hunt he and I had planned, the last destination being the main square lit up by tiny little Christmas lights.

 

So, it’s National Best Friend Day today and I can’t help but think of how lucky I am to have my best friend in my life. Really, the reasons I’m going to list are the reasons why anyone should feel lucky to have their best friend(s) in their lives, among so many other things; they’re the foundation that keep our sometimes shaky lives well-grounded. These are give-and-take relationships that you wouldn’t change for the world. Some years back, my best friend Marta (pictured above) sent me a Buzzfeed article about your best friend being “Your Person”, a Grey’s Anatomy reference that I didn’t get (I’ve never watched the show), but have come to love, after reading the post. Since then, I’ve always called her my “Person” — my best friend soulmate.

 

 

And so, without further ado, how to know that friend of yours is YOUR person, your best friend:

 

 

1. They know what you’re feeling/thinking even if you won’t acknowledge it yourself.

The amount of times my best friend has called me out on things I wasn’t consciously aware that I was feeling or thinking about is actually astounding. She can sense my mood shifts before I can, and can discern every little insecurity or worry as if they were her own. Though I have a terrible habit of denying some things to myself, I always have to come to terms with it and admit it when Marta is around (which has never been a bad thing and ultimately, has always been in my best interest).

2. They’re the person you turn to when you don’t know where else to go.
It often seems that they can cope with your feelings better than you can. In all honesty, there is no one else that I feel more comfortable sobbing my eyes out in front of, probably because it’s not exactly a rare occurrence over the near decade my best friend and I have known each other. And 90% of those times, I’m actually sober. When all hope seems lost, I know that I can go to her at any time and she’ll be there for me, no matter what.

 

Like that time I called her at nearly midnight because I accidentally drove my mom’s car into a pole and bashed up the whole front right end and literally did not understand why my mom was so upset with me (yes, in hindsight, it makes sense —  I probably should have waited for the foggy windshield to clear).

 

Or the (many) times I felt heartbroken and needed someone to talk to. Including the night my first boyfriend broke up with me, when the only place I wanted to go to was my best friend’s house to cry. That night, I knew that she was the only person who would have made me feel better, and she did.

3. They can always make you happy.

Even at my saddest times, she has always been able to get even a crack of a smile out of me. Of course, this not only applies to cases like those in point #2, but in all situations.

 

I really do not think there has ever been a point in our friendship where we’ve been together and one has not made the other smile. Whether it be clever puns (there have been times where I’ve literally crumpled to the floor in tears from laughing so hard), silly jabs at each other, or the simple question: “Want some baked brie and goat cheese?” She is constantly putting a smile on my face.

 

Someone who is your best friend should make you genuinely happy to be in their company, regardless of the situation. Even when our times together have been tinged by something negative going on in one or both of our lives, I have never experienced a time when I’m physically in her presence and do not feel happier.

 

See below for a gif representation of our reaction when the other asks if they want cheese and baguettes:

4. They’re your favourite drinking buddy.

I will always credit my love of gin and tonic to Marta. I remember the first time I tried it like it was yesterday. We were at Mr. Greenjeans in the Eaton Centre in October of 2013 (nearly a year before it closed down, after being in that location for 34 years), when the waitress told us there was a lunch special on gin cocktails. I stuck to Vodka-7, my go-to drink prior to that afternoon, but Marta ordered a gin and tonic. After tasting hers, there was no going back.

 

We’ve since had classier nights as well, not just day drinking hard liquor and opting instead to enjoy a glass of wine while watching Big Bang Theory or making soap. Still though, some of my favourite (and worst) moments in our friendship happened with some form of alcohol in hand. Kind of like a wide spectrum of emotions gin and wine have bestowed on us both.

5. Deep, philosophical conversations are second nature.

Some of my absolute favourite memories with Marta are the ones where we sat up until 6:00am talking about God and astronomy and quantum physics. About our futures and the meaning of life. We learned a lot about each other, as we were constantly teaching each other and learning from the conversations. One moment that stands out for some reason is when we were reading a book on Einstein’s various theories (which she had picked up from the library she was working at, at the time) and she was explaining to me this concept involving the interaction of movement/time/spacial location on a train that is moving forward on the tracks.

 

Really, it’s those little things that stand out in such a strong friendship.

6. You can admit your irrational thoughts to them.

There are so many stupid things that have come out of my mouth in front of Marta, and I have not once ever regretted it. In hindsight, I realize that a lot of my stupid comments have been in relation to guys, which is undoubtedly trying for someone as level-headed as my best friend. From my declaration (after a cousin of mine ruined all chances I ever had with dating this guy I had liked at the time), way back in the tenth grade: “I’VE HAD ENOUGH OF MEN — I’M GOING TO JOIN A CONVENT AND BECOME A NUN” (which sadly, I was 100% serious about). To trying in vain to convince her time and time again in high school that I was “legit in love. But for real this time”. To telling her after my first break up that I would never date anyone again.

 

Each and every time she has told me to get a grip, and each and every time she’s proved my self-detrimental attitude wrong. There are also times though, when I’ve said things that I felt were irrational, and she’s validated my feelings, making me feel better about them (e.g., when I felt several of my friends were toxic, and she helped me navigate my way through that while still remaining the bigger person. Which, God knows, I can get kind of petty sometimes).

 

Mandatory gif of Sheldon Cooper, whose character I am convinced is largely based off of Marta herself:

7. You feel comfortable being 100% yourself (and they can’t judge you, because they’re just the same).

In all honesty, I’d go into detail here about the ridiculous things we’ve said and done because of this immense level of mutual comfort, but I am going to save us both the public embarrassment.

 

However, I will say that there is no one I would rather judge and be judged by for a complete disregard of societal norms.

8. It’s perfectly fine to spend a night in, just watching movies, cooking, and chatting.

As I think I’ve made pretty clear, some of the best memories I have with Marta are the ones where we’re just chilling out and doing nothing particularly exciting. Over the years, I can’t count how many times we’ve hung out at home cooking up some concoction from Julia Child’s cookbook Mastering the Art of French Cooking, watching Julie Child cooking videos or Julie & Julia, or talking about food. We also do things other than worship the culinary goddess that is Julia Child, I swear. I just can’t think of any right now. 😉

9. Their family is like your second family.

I call her parents mom #2 and dad #2 (well, they’re Polish, so “mama #2” and “tata #2). Her brother is also like my brother. My dog, who hardly tolerates anyone outside of my family, will let Marta pet and love her… does this not mean that she is basically part of the family?

 

When you’ve been so close with someone for such a long period of time, they truly do become a second family to you. It’s amazing (and kind of hilarious, actually) how I can tell Mama #2 about anything that’s going on in my life and she’ll give her “Daughter #2” the same advice — sugar-coating free — that she’d give her biological daughter.

10. You would be absolutely lost without them.

Needless to say, I can’t imagine my life without my best friend in it. Even through disagreements or long periods of time apart, I have still felt that my life as a whole is a million times better because she’s in it. There is no one I would have preferred to guide me through the last near-decade of my life.

 

So, thank you to you Marta for being my best friend for nearly nine years and counting.

 

 

I couldn’t have asked for a better friend to get me through close to a decade of my life. Happy Best Friends Day to My Person. ♥

 

X,

Emily

 

P.S. One more picture from prom, that time in May 2012 when Marta and I were basically each other’s dates (because who else was loyally there for each other over those years as much as we were?)

Basic Soap Making

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Soap making is by far one of my favourite DIYs, and is one that is easy to do both alone, or with a few people. My best friend and I make soap more frequently than we go through it, but it’s so addicting that it’s difficult to control ourselves. With the plethora of adorable moulds, pretty colours, glitters, and scents to choose from, the combinations are seemingly endless!

 

Though it is much quicker to use pre-made soaps, it’s a lot of fun to make the soaps 100% from scratch. I’ve been using the recipe on Soap Queen‘s blog, which is very direct and easily to follow (there are also a lot of other soap making ideas on her site, as well).

 

If using the pre-made soaps, such as the soap bases available at Michaels, you simply remove the soap from the container it comes in (it sometimes help to run hot water on the outside of the packaging, making sure the soap itself does not get wet. Once the soap is out, place it on a cutting board and begin chopping it up into cubes that are no larger than an inch wide.

 

 

With the cubes of soap, fill up a large microwave-safe measuring cup and then nuke it in the microwave starting at 40 seconds. If it doesn’t fully melt the soap, which is most likely will not, microwave at 20 second intervals, stirring the soap in between. When the soap has completely melted to a liquid state, you can add whatever soap dye and scents that you desire. I really love the sandalwood scent, which comes in a 6-scent kit I purchased from Michaels. I also bought all of my soap dyes from Michaels, and my glitter as well (which you would mix into your melted soap during this same step, if you so desire).

 

 

Once everything is mixed up in the still-melted soap mixture, you can begin pouring the soap into your moulds. I prefer using silicone ones, as they are infinitely easier to remove once the soap has hardened and fully set. If you choose to use the plastic ones, I’ve found that running warm water over the opposite side works best, though it’s kind of difficult to do so without water getting onto the soap itself.

 

When pouring your soap, you can also have fun with cool effects during this step. You can let the soap begin to set and then pour a line of a different colour down the middle; this would be an obvious design if you has a transparent soap base and pour an opaque one through, or more discreet if you use two differently coloured opaque soaps (until you cut it open, if you make the soap loafs. Soap loafs are made in moulds like the below picture). If you’re doing more dainty and small soaps in intricate moulds, you can layer colours in, say, the petals of a flower, the twists in a Celtic knot, etc. — it really all depends on your creative vision and which moulds that you have to work with. You can see the results of some of our most recent soaps below.

 

 

Once the soap is poured, set the moulds aside to somewhere where they will not be disturbed. Do not poke at them, or shift the mould itself, as it will create a rippled texture on the bottom of the soap (the result of it being only semi-set). I’d wait at least an hour before you attempt to touch the smaller soaps and closer to two hours for the soap loaves. Do not remove them from the moulds until they are cool to the touch. Removing them prematurely will sometimes cause them to warp and/or stick to the moulds because of the tackiness they take on prior to being fully hardened.

 

 

Once your soaps are done, feel free to wrap them up in colourful tissue paper or even scrapbook paper to give away to your friends and family! They make such cute gifts, and are perfect for the holidays. Because I have moulds for basically every single holiday there is, the people close to me are never quite surprised when they get themed soaps throughout the year. I make too many to possibly use on my own, so giving them away is always a nice option.

 

Do you enjoy soap making? If so, what are your tips and tricks to making the perfect soap? Let me know — as well as if you have any questions about the process — in the comments!

 

X,

Emily